The locust that loved me...

6/28/10

I just got done chanting the “Moola Mantra” with Deva Premal on my lap top. It is almost dark and I am inside the house in the middle of the mess I am turning to dust. I am getting rid of all my “things” I am going to live with the clothes I have and a few memories of the family I had before I was born. As I am chanting I heal the world around me and in the middle of no thoughts I see the light come to me. Then a Locust outside sings with me- now that I have stopped chanting the locust stopped its humming. I cried at the beauty. Everything is so much more connected than we think or know. When I am in this vortex of love – I cry because it IS so beautiful and I believe this is how life is.
All the worry, despair, harm, abuse etc that goes on is not who we are. There is so much trying to find who we are that if we just completely sank into the beauty of the world we would feel so much better- Life would be the amazing experience we came here to have. When I am feeling the love in chanting, I think of all those people whose eyes I look into and felt love, I feel myself flying, I feel the locust singing with me letting me know that God loves me.
The first time my friend Ava told me that my spirit guides loved me, I cried. I always wanted to know something bigger than me loved me, but I never believed it until she said it. Nowhere in all the schooling did anyone say you are deeply loved. Love meant that someone DID something for me. Love was sex, it was a pat on the back, it was written on Hallmark cards, and rarely talked about.
Now I know that everything is love. I am here to experience, that’s it. I know there is a new way of life coming forth and it is not a “system”. I know one day it will not be money that is talked about it will be LOVE. I know that we will howl with the wolves, and sing to the birds. I want to go somewhere that is focused on freedom to do anything we want, we “work” with God, we serve each other, we astral travel, we telepathically communicate, we know that we are the internet and need nothing outside of ourselves for a feeling or information: we learn from within. I want to adventure into the unknown. What would it be like without my lap top, cell phone, or money?
I have thought about money a lot. I don't actually think it is the root of the problem. It just feels like it is replacing so much of what we are. External forms of energy are easier to control- but is not who we are. We may seem defined by the money we have, the car etc, but who we are is internal energy. What if we exchanged everything from internal energy- feelings, emotions, body expression, art WE made (not machines). Money has so much power to some people and as a collaboration it is one superficial thing we have in common. Although it is an external form of energy – I believe there is other ways to spend our energy. Even if I was billionaire money would still be on my mind- I would be more responsible for all this money- taxes, bills, investments, stock etc- all in which play this game in society. I am done playing and I am looking for something new. I am not going to write a blog posts complaining of the old I am going write about experiencing something new. And this is so new and unconventional that it may take time, and it may be hard, but I am willing to do what it takes to bring forth the new. This is the Aquarian Age- a new beginning and new information flowing forth. This is just the beginning and we all know this. We are in heaven here on earth- when I just slow down and FEEL it. May we all join “virtual” hands and be together in this change. May we heal the earth and each other. There is nothing more important to me right now than unification. Thank you for reading today. Namaste.

The Little Liar...

What I love in life the most is pushing belief!  I believe everything is based on belief which I learned from the movie " What If?".   When someone complains I have always had the urge to say “Well I know there is a different way” To every contrast (what you don’t want) there is a solution.  “When there is a Will There is a Way” At one point when I was little I started to believe in miracles.  All of the situations I ever thought were “terrible” I got out of.  It is not common to see kids get out of “abusive” situations (and I was in 6 different situations. )

When I first started to realize I could have anything I wanted was when I was living with my aunt.   It was right after my mom died I went from living with my grandma into my dad’s sister’s home.  So all of a sudden family that had never known me – now had to take care of me.  Not to get into detail it was abusive and disconnected.  I remember trying to run away and had too much fear to actually cross the road.  I would hide in trees as the bigger the threats they yelled at the closer I came crawling home.   Then I still remember this dream where I was in the middle of the desert on a hilltop and all these ambulances and police came to save me, but something greater gave me hope.  The sky opened up and shined down on me and I was lifted into the air.  Even when school, home, and life in general felt like hell I held onto that dream until it came true.  I didn’t even realize it when my dream was coming true. When it was happening I resisted it and was afraid that moving out would bring greater danger than what I already lived in. 

And when I remember (hard) times as a child I remember there was always (even a little) sunshine.  Even if it was a pin prick speck of sunshine I held onto it.  Anyone (almost everyone) who has experienced contrast knows that there is hope how else would we be here today? 

So after living with my aunt I got adopted by a wealthy family.  I went from barely any clothes, barely any food, no friends, no hair, and nothing material was my own to having my own room, my own dog, my own pair of light up sneakers, my own clothes and closets, lots of candy and any food I wanted ALL the time.  I was abundant and I felt very abundant.  At school before I had no friends because I was teased on how dirty I was to having so many friends.   I had themed sleepover parties, and anytime a friend would say “I wish my mom would take me here or give me this” I would do my best to make sure they got it.  I wanted to take care of my friends.  At the time I was feeling so good that anything I didn’t have yet I would lie about.  If my friends would have any kind of complaint or anything I always wanted to have a solution to it.  I would say” Well I know someone who could help you with that”.  We all wanted to be just like the spice girls and I told them I knew the Spice Girls (I didn’t really know them) but when I told them I did I felt like I did. 

How does lying come into the picture with knowing anything is possible?  We ask the Universe what we want and we must feel it into existence,  but by feeling -others may consider it lying.  I feel rich!- but a billionaire may say that I am not rich.  !.  By traveling it is obvious there is a solution to any “problem”.  Just because it is not in front of your face right away doesn’t mean the answer doesn’t exist.  The point is no one can take away what you are feeling and what you are feeling is what CREATES. 

For example say I am here in America and my friend is tired of having parties because everyone dirties her carpet and it feels unclean and a lot of work to clean up.  From traveling in India I would know from experience that Hindu's wash their feet before entering anyone's house as a sacred ritual.  And I could tell her that experience and have that solution to be able to have a parties AND  a clean sacred carpet.

I loved traveling the last two months.  I learned and changed so much.  I originally thought I would find a home somewhere along the West Coast instead within the first week I decided I would rather keep traveling.  The people I met in hostels inspired me to travel more.  Europeans were telling me that between high school and college they are encouraged to take a year to travel and explore the world.  In hostels I met mostly foreigners and I loved being the only American.  I felt like I was traveling to everyone’s country by just conversing with them.  As an observation they told me that American’s are more distracted (compared to other countries) such as being on a cell phone, iPod, and computer.  In other countries people interact with each other more. 

I am currently on a short break from Travel.  The thing that comes up for me now is money.  I know that I am abundant and we all are AND I’m wondering what the focus of my life wants to be on next. Is it I just work and work so I can have all the money in order to travel? Or do I just travel and trust the Universe completely.  I find that I don’t believe I was put here on earth to fester, worry, gain, give, lose, win, etc with JUST money.  Money seems to be the topic of conversation and I think money is just a physical extension of energy.  I am feeling like there is a new way of energy coming into play.  I want to invest my energy into passion and doing what I want and creating.  I am not saying money is evil or that I don’t think it is important I am just playing with the importance it has in my life.  I don’t think I came here on earth to just EARN money.   Some of the highest paying jobs are from drugs, prostitutes, cage fighting etc.  What kind of values is money invested in? All together we all have lots of money.  What if we invested in something completely different?  What if we did what we wanted all day long serving “Higher self” in any way we wanted to.  We all know there is a change coming. What do you WANT the change to be? What if we all had the time to rub each other’s backs, cook together, dance, play, create together all the TIME?  What if we all stopped trying to GO somewhere and started BEing here.I FEEL heaven on earth….am I lying?