Tuesday, January 18, 2011

But wait I have to pee! -A story on determination

BTW- The photo was taken by a cactus :)

I am not in college or any writing classes right now, but I thought I would try an experiment of writing about a hike- A detailed writing on just an experience.  I wish to bring the readers here with me as If I was hiking with them.  I don’t really know what my intention is other than connecting to others, opening my heart and share an experience nor good nor bad.  I feel like the more we open up to each other the more likely we will be a stronger community, a bigger force of compassion, understanding, caring, and forgiveness we have for each other as a consciousness(as a whole).  Sometimes I think I need to proof we are all connected but I thought about how someone can describe an experience and you can FEEL it as if you were there.

                  Another experience of proof that we are connected was at funeral I went to on Sunday and although I never knew the man who died- I could FEEL everyone’s love for him and grief of a sudden loss.  No one was touching me forcing me to feel these deep feelings and I even closed my eyes in the middle of one man’s speech about his best friend and I could feel this deep wrenching in my chest which felt like love and pain at the same time If I wasn’t connected to this man at all how would I be able to relate so easily?

Sometimes we don’t feel like we are all connected because there isn’t enough PHYSICAL PROOF.   I know we are all connected because the blind still love, the deaf still love, and we FEEL each other all the time without touching each other.  We can even watch movies filmed ten years ago in a location thousands of miles away and we still feel the sadness, fear, or humor of the characters in a movie. 

                So here I am on some trail I hiked once before, in the middle of the desert with my journal.  As I get on the trail I realize others carry backpacks, hiking sticks, sunscreen, and maybe even something as thoughtful as WATER J.  Not me though noooo I just bring my journal.  I make jokes to myself about it because I feel silly.  Back in the day when I was a lot younger I was so WORRIED about what others thought of me if I had to sharpen my pencil in class I wouldn’t even get up and do it.  And now I feel radical that I plan on going on a couple hour hike and all I bring is a journal.

  So I start walking on this trail and I already have thoughts of turning back.  I realize I had to pee and I decide that I will use having to pee as a goal.  I mean I love to exercise, but resistance to moving my body sometimes can be a pain in the you know what J I have excuses like “But wait I can’t go hiking I have to pee” and there is no restroom here so I have to drive back to the city.  So I changed my thought into” I will pee when I get high enough on the trail that there aren’t as many people around to see” I will use it as a tool to move my body for ten minutes.  After ten minutes I could hike the rest of the day.  The first ten minutes is getting rid of the resistance and the rest is easy.  

So I made a goal out of having to pee.    I decided I would hold my pee for a little while and as a reward of starting the hike.  I thought about other dire times in life where you might have to pee, but you would have to hold it in order to accomplish something.  Like what if I was a bride in a wedding? In the middle of the wedding during the vows what if I had to pee? I would have to hold it.  Or what about giving birth? I thought about that, but then I guessed that it would probably come out without control.   So I start running on this trail because the further I go then I would be able to pee (or so this was my thinking).  So then I run and I get stuck behind this couple.  I am running behind this woman and she steps over the side to let me pass.  Then this is when things got a little funny.  I am stuck behind her husband.  He sees my shadow behind him and assumes I am his wife no big deal… right? Well then he starts telling me how good this hike feels.   
And all I am thinking please don’t tell me anything that is a (TMI) moment.  He was starting to bring up memories and I kind of spaced out and I just blurted out shyly “Um…excuse me.”  And he turned and let me pass.  He was starting to go into details of their relationship and who knows what kind of details he was about to give. 
  I definitely ran more as I was glad to get back to personal space and not being assumed as someone’s 50 year old wifeJ.( I do appreciate older couples I just don’t like feeling assumed as one)  Then I pass two women who talked about “Tuck-Son” (their way of saying Tucson.) Must be newbie’s I thought as I ran past.  They were discussing how they had to get used to the beauty of this place.  “It is a different type of beauty” one said.  “Something you have to get used to”.  
So I kept on jogging now trying to hold my pee for a bit longer and then I get stuck running behind a couple who has a kid leading in the front.  The husband definitely wore a heavy amount of strong cologne.  And my nose immediately got stuffy and I thought how much I prefer regular body odor than this chemical spray.  But don’t tell my boyfriend because I do love a clean manJ, but over cheap cologne I would pick Body odor any day.  I kept turning my head, but the lingering smell of cologne hangs onto the air for dear life filling up my nose.  Then I realize I am being too sensitive and I just take small breaths which was hard to do when feeling out of breathe in the first place. 
So their 7 year old son starts talking.  The mom and dad became quiet knowing I’m walking behind them.  And their son starts asking “Who cuts the cheese and who cuts the cheese balls?”  “Mom do you cut the cheese balls?”
Now I’m already trying to hold my breath and now I was trying to hold in laughter so I kind of just busted out laughing.  I really didn’t want to embarrass them, but I thought it was so cute how when we feel comfortable with someone we just ask them our random thoughts on our mind. 
I start laughing and I try not to embarrass them I thought the situation was funny especially because the parents were kind of embarrassed and didn’t answer their son.  So I finally got to pass them.  I ran for a bit more and found a hill I thought I could climb up on and hide in order to pee.  So I get up there and guess what? MORE PEOPLE higher than me.  And I just decide to have a moment of “throwing up my hands in the air and say ‘screw it’” as one of my best friends Brian would say.  So I popped a squat and finally went pee.  Afterward I started stretching on a slanted rock and writing my experience down.  After journaling this experience I realize my left big toe feels damp because I peed on my own Big toe!  Which normally wouldn’t be so bad, but I had my Vibram toe shoes on which feel like soggy socks when their wet.  After all I do know people who believe that Urine is a good cleanser.  And perhaps my big toe needed to be cleansed here in the middle of the desert. 
Well, I made the goal of hiking/running for 3 hours.  And it was made possible by my determination and most of all my pee.  It is not recommended to hold your pee- it worked for me once but out of urgency I went on myself.  Most of all, pushing past resistance and focusing on good/funny things in the moment helped me climb the trails.  And may we all “climb the trails” of our life doing the same thing.