The BARE Essentials

I remember always wanting my shoes off as a child.  I loved running around ANYWHERE without shoes and it didn’t matter where.  And when I wasn’t supervised by one of the adults who watched me I would take my shoes off. So now I have decided to take my shoes off whenever I FEEL like it.  It is one way I am maintaining my connection to Source while in the city.  I have walked barefoot inside stores, cafes, libraries, even parking lots and sidewalks.  I know it might not seem “clean” or even legal (?), but I am trying it out.  I really enjoy feeling everything from the hot asphalt ground to the cold tile in stores.  This is an experiment to see if I really feel any different from not wearing shoes all the time and I like the FREEDOM more than anything. 

Sure shoes serve their purpose, but more times than not I find myself slipping them off anyways.  Being present in our lives is hard enough with all our life’s distractions- partly because we are disconnected from our Source.  The way I can stay present is feeling everything from the cold hard ground on the pads of my feet to the warm breathe going in my nose. 

I do not worry about stepping on anything deemed as “dangerous”.  I believe that love is greater than fear in every moment.  It is a choice to choose love over fear. And if I do come across a rock or something hard  I believe we are meant to work out the trapped toxins and reflexology points in our feet anyways.  A few rocks never hurt anybody…that badly;) 

I met an older man once telling me of how he is now scared to go into the wilderness because he fears poison ivy rashes.  He said he felt sad about this because he used to go in the same woods years ago. I'm not advocating the use of LSD, but he said back in the 60’s when his friends and him took LSD he would go into the woods and explore for days.  He said that the incredible thing was that they would go in the wilderness and not get one scratch, bug bite, or any poison ivy rashes.  And now when he tries to go he gets poison ivy rashes.  I believe when we fear something we attract it.  In spiritual books I have read that you don’t need LSD to become aware of these high states of consciousness.  Simply meditating, conscious breathing, and practicing being present can help raise your awareness.  I believe that when in a present state there is a lack of fear that doesn’t attract things such as poison ivy. 

I walked on a hike in the desert barefoot recently.  That is a true test of presence.  Each foot step is important and precise yet I want to walk a moderate speed that will actually take me somewhere.  With a little practice and a couple times of stubbing my toes I was even able to run on the dirt which felt really good.  I had joyous memories flood my memory of being a child and running on sand.  There is a certain type of connection when you can really feel every part of your foot touching the ground.  To me being barefoot is a blessing and I really do adore the FEELING.  

Even if no one else enjoys walking barefoot I hope I at least inspire you to follow the inner child in you.  May you feel and allow your inner child to play! Namaste!

But wait I have to pee! -A story on determination

BTW- The photo was taken by a cactus :)

I am not in college or any writing classes right now, but I thought I would try an experiment of writing about a hike- A detailed writing on just an experience.  I wish to bring the readers here with me as If I was hiking with them.  I don’t really know what my intention is other than connecting to others, opening my heart and share an experience nor good nor bad.  I feel like the more we open up to each other the more likely we will be a stronger community, a bigger force of compassion, understanding, caring, and forgiveness we have for each other as a consciousness(as a whole).  Sometimes I think I need to proof we are all connected but I thought about how someone can describe an experience and you can FEEL it as if you were there.

                  Another experience of proof that we are connected was at funeral I went to on Sunday and although I never knew the man who died- I could FEEL everyone’s love for him and grief of a sudden loss.  No one was touching me forcing me to feel these deep feelings and I even closed my eyes in the middle of one man’s speech about his best friend and I could feel this deep wrenching in my chest which felt like love and pain at the same time If I wasn’t connected to this man at all how would I be able to relate so easily?

Sometimes we don’t feel like we are all connected because there isn’t enough PHYSICAL PROOF.   I know we are all connected because the blind still love, the deaf still love, and we FEEL each other all the time without touching each other.  We can even watch movies filmed ten years ago in a location thousands of miles away and we still feel the sadness, fear, or humor of the characters in a movie. 

                So here I am on some trail I hiked once before, in the middle of the desert with my journal.  As I get on the trail I realize others carry backpacks, hiking sticks, sunscreen, and maybe even something as thoughtful as WATER J.  Not me though noooo I just bring my journal.  I make jokes to myself about it because I feel silly.  Back in the day when I was a lot younger I was so WORRIED about what others thought of me if I had to sharpen my pencil in class I wouldn’t even get up and do it.  And now I feel radical that I plan on going on a couple hour hike and all I bring is a journal.

  So I start walking on this trail and I already have thoughts of turning back.  I realize I had to pee and I decide that I will use having to pee as a goal.  I mean I love to exercise, but resistance to moving my body sometimes can be a pain in the you know what J I have excuses like “But wait I can’t go hiking I have to pee” and there is no restroom here so I have to drive back to the city.  So I changed my thought into” I will pee when I get high enough on the trail that there aren’t as many people around to see” I will use it as a tool to move my body for ten minutes.  After ten minutes I could hike the rest of the day.  The first ten minutes is getting rid of the resistance and the rest is easy.  

So I made a goal out of having to pee.    I decided I would hold my pee for a little while and as a reward of starting the hike.  I thought about other dire times in life where you might have to pee, but you would have to hold it in order to accomplish something.  Like what if I was a bride in a wedding? In the middle of the wedding during the vows what if I had to pee? I would have to hold it.  Or what about giving birth? I thought about that, but then I guessed that it would probably come out without control.   So I start running on this trail because the further I go then I would be able to pee (or so this was my thinking).  So then I run and I get stuck behind this couple.  I am running behind this woman and she steps over the side to let me pass.  Then this is when things got a little funny.  I am stuck behind her husband.  He sees my shadow behind him and assumes I am his wife no big deal… right? Well then he starts telling me how good this hike feels.   

And all I am thinking please don’t tell me anything that is a (TMI) moment.  He was starting to bring up memories and I kind of spaced out and I just blurted out shyly “Um…excuse me.”  And he turned and let me pass.  He was starting to go into details of their relationship and who knows what kind of details he was about to give. 

  I definitely ran more as I was glad to get back to personal space and not being assumed as someone’s 50 year old wifeJ.( I do appreciate older couples I just don’t like feeling assumed as one)  Then I pass two women who talked about “Tuck-Son” (their way of saying Tucson.) Must be newbie’s I thought as I ran past.  They were discussing how they had to get used to the beauty of this place.  “It is a different type of beauty” one said.  “Something you have to get used to”.  

So I kept on jogging now trying to hold my pee for a bit longer and then I get stuck running behind a couple who has a kid leading in the front.  The husband definitely wore a heavy amount of strong cologne.  And my nose immediately got stuffy and I thought how much I prefer regular body odor than this chemical spray.  But don’t tell my boyfriend because I do love a clean manJ, but over cheap cologne I would pick Body odor any day.  I kept turning my head, but the lingering smell of cologne hangs onto the air for dear life filling up my nose.  Then I realize I am being too sensitive and I just take small breaths which was hard to do when feeling out of breathe in the first place. 

So their 7 year old son starts talking.  The mom and dad became quiet knowing I’m walking behind them.  And their son starts asking “Who cuts the cheese and who cuts the cheese balls?”  “Mom do you cut the cheese balls?”

Now I’m already trying to hold my breath and now I was trying to hold in laughter so I kind of just busted out laughing.  I really didn’t want to embarrass them, but I thought it was so cute how when we feel comfortable with someone we just ask them our random thoughts on our mind. 

I start laughing and I try not to embarrass them I thought the situation was funny especially because the parents were kind of embarrassed and didn’t answer their son.  So I finally got to pass them.  I ran for a bit more and found a hill I thought I could climb up on and hide in order to pee.  So I get up there and guess what? MORE PEOPLE higher than me.  And I just decide to have a moment of “throwing up my hands in the air and say ‘screw it’” as one of my best friends Brian would say.  So I popped a squat and finally went pee.  Afterward I started stretching on a slanted rock and writing my experience down.  After journaling this experience I realize my left big toe feels damp because I peed on my own Big toe!  Which normally wouldn’t be so bad, but I had my Vibram toe shoes on which feel like soggy socks when their wet.  After all I do know people who believe that Urine is a good cleanser.  And perhaps my big toe needed to be cleansed here in the middle of the desert. 

Well, I made the goal of hiking/running for 3 hours.  And it was made possible by my determination and most of all my pee.  It is not recommended to hold your pee- it worked for me once but out of urgency I went on myself.  Most of all, pushing past resistance and focusing on good/funny things in the moment helped me climb the trails.  And may we all “climb the trails” of our life doing the same thing.   

Love,

Amy

 

Healing sores - Opens doors...

12/2/10

            Hello journal and WORLD!

  I haven’t written in a long time because I have been feeling an extra sense of vulnerability this last 7 months.  Part of it has been traveling (ungrounded) and part of it is my beautiful conscious loving romantic partnership.  The last 7 months have been the most adventurous, daring, fun, and intense.  My partnership has opened wounds, healed wounds, and most of all expands who I am.   To me, this year I have been more vulnerable and exposed than ever. 

Today I had an experience you might call: “Meant to be”.  I had this card for a “healer” two years ago given by a friend.  This healer does recommendations only.  I had a strong feeling about him so I kept the card.  So I called two days ago to see if there was availability within this week because I am only here for a week.  Christy (also a healer) answered and said that it was very evident that I was meant to come because there was just a cancellation before I called otherwise they would have been booked for months. 

So I sit down he explained that he looks at Auras (a field of subtle, luminous radiation surrounding a person).  He also looks at meridians and chakras.  All in all -he has a gift what the Native American’s call “half sight” where he can see people’s energy field.  I sat down nervous to be exposed to someone who can see such a deep part of me.  They start the session by reading your aura and telling you what he sees.  He didn’t ask me anything.  He didn’t know ANYTHING about me and he was able to depict what I have been seeking for months…

I have been experiencing a lot of anger and mood changes.  Part of me knew it was from my past, but I didn’t know what to do with it.  I also know that going to the chiropractor helps me feel good again.  But this man (Jeff is his name) said that he saw my root chakra as a ball with one flat side.  He said this may result in “Mood shifts, anger, things feeling good then all of a sudden sadness or anger”.  He also listed physical symptoms all of which I have been experiencing.  I felt so honored to finally see the ROOT ISSUE of my recent experiences.  It was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time. 

 In the last few months passerby’s mention to me that I should be on “Psych” meds for bipolar.  Others have called me “broken”, insecure, etc.( not that meds are bad, but i believe in the impossible - that i have the power to heal myself :D)  I know I am much more than that.  I know that anything is possible and I do not want my emotions to run my life. 

He said root chakra can be caused by physical and/or sexual abuse (both of which I have a history of).   So then he went to work on me clearing me with an eagle feather.  To some of you this may sound phony or not true, but this is MY experience.  As I sat on the stool they used crystals and feathers to reconnect broken meridians and fix chakras.  When he told me I may feel nauseous I would feel it and then it would pass.  He said I may start my cycle today and I did.  It was just a beautiful experience.  It has been something I have been praying for a long time.   When I drove away from there I could tell I have shifted.  When driving, I didn’t care that the car behind me wanted to go faster, I didn’t feel stressed about anything on my mind, and all over I feel happier and calmer.   

Also another healing experience was he mentioned my 3^rd eye.  (The eye that helps you see details of life such as colors, auras, and spirits.)  He said that my 3^rd eye was pretty developed for someone my age.  Just a week ago I was somewhere supposedly “therapeutic” and they asked me 50 questions one including “do you see things that aren’t there?”   Because most people deem “seeing things” as a problem and not a gift.  For once I felt accepted and safe to say that yes I do see things.  It is vulnerable to talk about and a gift that I love about myself, but don’t share with others much because of the stigma around “seeing things”. 

Anyways I feel like letting the creative expression of me SHOW UP through writing which is my favorite option In life to do.  In the last 9 months I have been travelling non-stop.  I have been up California Coast (twice), Oregon (twice), Hawaii for 2 months, and Northern California for several months.  I also travelled from Portland, OR to Springhill, FL.  The United States is beautiful.  There is a lot of change within 100 miles.  One of the things in life I have been embracing as therapy has been driving.  I know it is sometimes people’s least favorite things to do, but for me it is my music, my hands on the steering wheel, and my overflowing thoughts.  I love feeling in control of my life (as we all do).  But it is not about controlling the car to me- it is about using the car as my best friend.  Seeing things as our friends are BEST friends make life so much easier.  You might say “your ‘friend’ isn’t like mine.  “Mine has old engine parts, mine runs out of batteries etc.”  And I say my car does have its issues I CHOOSE to focus on the parts of her I love.  She can go fast, she is beautiful and red, and she brakes, turns, and saves gas. 

So I don’t know how much I will be writing, but I wanted to share where I am at currently and I came to a turnaround in healing.  I look forward to opening to you all in any way that I choose to do so.  I am grateful that I got insight, healing, and Universal love this morning.  I am so grateful for you the readers and I hope that I inspire you or help you open your heart as well…

ONE HUGE LOVE

Amy

Joy and sorrow are inseparable...together they come, and when one sits alone with you...remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
-- Kahlil Gibran

Just when you want to stop walking, RUN!

   As part of our Sunday tradition while in Hawaii, Tom and I were on our way to Krishna Pizza.  This is a pizza night at the Hare Krishna farm where they give away pizza after chanting and reading a lesson out of the Bhagavad Gita.  We had hitch hiked in the back of a truck like we do every Sunday night.  I feel free when I ride in the back of a truck because the air is perfect, the road feels like a roller coaster by the way it goes up and down alongside the ocean, and the ride is pure joy and exhilaration for me.  

     We had a nice conversation about love with the boy that was sitting in the back.  We arrived at the road that leads to the farm and we got out and started walking up the road.  We had been walking a while when I said almost unconsciously “Can we take a break? I want to sit down”.  Tom said “Let’s run!” And without thinking I said “OK!” and we started to run.  I felt proud of myself that I made the decision to run versus sit.  It felt good to push through the resistance and come out feeling better, more energy than before, and know my body was stronger from it.  

   It seems when I want to give up on something- I could just push myself toward what I want and I would have the life of my dreams.  “What you resists, persists”.  Resistance usually comes up when something we want is available to us, but our ego gets in the way of it.  It is our ego making sure we really want it.  We have the choice to close our hearts and say “oh never mind I don’t deserve that” Or “I will never get that”.  At this point when these thoughts come up the best thing I can do for me is to take care of myself.  I need some instant self love like running, writing, giving to others, talking to others (sometimes), even kissing my hand or thinking grateful thoughts can help me shift.  I feel like the faster I can push out of the resistance the better.   

   Deep within me I know all things are possible.  I know that I can reach for love, better feeling thoughts, and passion whenever I need it.  We need to hold space for ourselves to cry, yell, or dance when we feel the need to.  It’s when we hold back because of the fear of judgments from others that we hold tensions in.  I notice that if I am going along in my day and next thing I know I may be a little irritated or feeling down I CHOOSE to stay in that emotion instead of CHOOSING to change it.  The ego says “you will look really silly if you just all of a sudden you look happy”.  Because it feels vulnerable to go from unhappy to happy in a matter of seconds even though it is possible.  There is something we get out of being unhappy otherwise we wouldn’t do it.  Maybe the habit of pouting no longer serves me so why do it?  Being conscious about what we are CHOOSING is the first step. 

      

        Tom and I were walking down the road one day when this dog was headed right towards us and  I felt more closed than open in the moment until I saw her: this beautiful big basset hound. I went from feeling disconnected to loving in an INSTANT.  The next day she showed up in our yard.  We went outside to see her and she squealed when she saw us and rolled on her back.  We followed her down the road in a full moon light.  She took us on trails and roads and she carried avocados and buried them in front of people’s houses.  She wagged her tail and seemed so upbeat.  She played with us pretending to chase us.  She loved to be rubbed, scratched, and petted.

   

       A week later I saw her and she didn't seem to react to seeing us and then I notice she is on a leash, feels warm, and her body stays limp when I pet her-She felt like a whole different dog.  The owner dragged her back into the yard.  I know basset hounds look naturally sad, but she was clearly not wanting to go back home.  She wanted her freedom and it made me feel so sad, I cried. 

             

           Why when I watch others (especially animals) do I feel so much empathy for them when I see them less free or unhappy? Yet when I control myself or choose negative thoughts I don’t think anything of it.  Most of our disconnection and unhappiness stems from unconscious beliefs about ourselves.  I know that in the past I have let negative thoughts ruin my entire day.  Our thoughts are just as strong as physical actions.  By thinking negative thoughts I am taking away my own freedom just like the owner took the freedom away from the basset hound.  I can be worrying about the future so much I am afraid to take action, fearing the past so much I can’t be present: which are two reasons why I resist the present.  I feel like one of my deepest fears is to be present and if I just fully accepted the present moment – it would be my deepest gift. Our thoughts tend to take us away from being present.  If we were fully present every breath of the day we would be living our full potential. 

Running with the Bulls…starts with a smile…

             I was in a deep slumber several nights ago. In my dream I was in Spain and I wanted to be more “in shape” and be able to run for hours, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. Then I remembered Running with the Bulls- Where you cannot stop or you will get trampled. I thought about it and decided to sign up for Running with Bulls race because I knew I would either do it or I wouldn’t make it (In my dream the race lasted 3 days). I knew I had to commit to it if I really wanted to be in more shape. This is the kind of commitment it takes to make dreams come true-Taking a huge risk that will make you go all the way.

        In the last two months I committed to exploring intentional communities, committed to my partner, and Committed to trusting God. For me these are HUGE commitments and I feel like I am on the right track. First we went to a place called Ananda Village (a community based off of the guru Paramahansa Yogananda well known for “Autobiography of a Yogi”.) There are 250 plus people who live in this community. I feel like I explored and awakened deep core beliefs in this experience.

             The first Running with the Bulls adventure begins with going to this Village. The utmost important thing I took away from my experience there was meditation. People may say they meditate as the move about, clean, dance etc, but I have realized it IS something completely different. To still the body is to still the mind, and when you become stillness everything flows (all the pure positive energy that we ARE comes to us much easier). We are THINKERS and CREATORS, but we must have the YIN to the YANG. To balance out deep desires and raging passions we must relax and calm the seas with stillness and relaxation.

           Now, I’m on the Big Island, Hawaii. Running with the bulls again because once I came here there was no turning back. There are hundreds of intentional communities here and the atmosphere even in the airport is the most relaxed place I have ever experienced. I met a person the other day walking down a hill and I was telling him of the community I wanted to start and I just felt this inner sigh of “It’s all around me already”. In Tucson, Az it felt like such a big deal to say I wanted to be in an intentional community, but here it almost feels like the norm. It has been wonderfully magical here. We want to go from point A to point B on the island and it happens. We want a work-trade place to stay that is nice with communicative clear connected people and we found it. We face new challenges and overcome them, we breathe fresh air, eat fresh fruit and veggies two feet outside the door; we play with neighbors kids and dogs. It feels like there are no boundaries here – no his or hers no mine or yours. People say “aloha” (which means love and hello) and wave “hang loose” with their hands ever time we see someone. Less fear and more love and we have only been two weeks.

             Ever notice that however you are feeling when you FIRST start something tends to be the tone you set until it is finished? Maybe it is a relationship. Maybe it is the grocery shopping experience. I have noticed that if I go into something with a bad attitude I have a bad attitude the entire experience. Once I am seen I a certain mood it is hard for me to change moods in the middle of an experience. Even my days are better when I start off waking up with joy, excitement and adventure in my heart.

       While in Hawaii at the end of a long blissful day I was with two friends and my boyfriend in the back of an open truck. I wasn’t in the best of moods. We were going fast through darkness. We were all shivering in the cold, and then it started to rain on us. My friends were all putting their hands in the middle to “team” together for pretend heat. They were all in giddy moods and were squealing and singing and then they said “Amy, you must join for the forces” “You have a few seconds left hurry hurry!” in a playful manner. My closed ego wanted to stay in the corner and pout, but I let it in…love that is. I placed my hand on theirs and my boyfriend put one of his hands on top of mine. We all looked into each other’s eyes producing heat and yelling. We were letting freedom sing through our voices and hands. Powerful playful energy began to fill my heart and I was feeling uplifted by the group. This is how community can help uplift each other in times of need. We all need our own connection to happiness, but sometimes without others I stay in times of sadness longer. When I am with other people I think “man I must be less happy”, but really I am the same, I just notice if I am not happy more because I see how I feel compared to them. If I feel frustrated or mad I am less likely to connect to others. I know when I am at least walking in the room smiling that I am feeling good. Also people are naturally attracted to happiness. My boyfriend Tom and I went to a Krishna chant and pizza night. It seemed as though many people wanted to talk to us and we were invited to several different communities. It felt like we were new to indigenous land and tribes were welcoming us to each community. We walked in with smiling faces and walked out with even bigger smiles, more friendships, and new opportunities.

       In community I have witnessed things being released together. When I worked for At Ease Wellness there were around 20 adjustment tables with the intention that in community healing there is more released among everyone. As Dr. Nicholas would adjust one person’s back -across the room someone might release an emotion. I think it is something people aren’t even aware of - that we release for each other in community setting. Consciously if we talk to each other and support each other’s highest good we raise vibrations (happiness levels) together. We are clearer and work more efficiently.

       In dance when we hear the drums beating for us, or hear the cheers, or see the smiles, we dance harder and feel stronger. In a group meditation once I had a grumbling stomach that I was feeling embarrassed about. I kept focusing on my third eye imagining it would stop when suddenly it went away in me, but the woman’s stomach next to me began to grumble, and then the person in front of me, then someone else. Then it dissipated all together and we were in silence once again.

        Although it is important in community settings to start with a good happy intention because I have noticed how collaborative “negative emotions” can bring a community down. Once while meditating in another group meditation I was in the corner choosing to think negative thoughts instead of meditate and I watched others meditate. Others were feeling bad too and some people got up, some people gave up, and others stuck through the 45 minute meditation - but came out saying “that was the worse mediation I ever had”. In that moment I think it is good to recognize the collaborative vibration and address and awaken to who we really are= JOY.  

Anyways thanks for reading. Feel free to share thoughts, feelings etc on anything. After all this is a community too!

The locust that loved me...

6/28/10

I just got done chanting the “Moola Mantra” with Deva Premal on my lap top. It is almost dark and I am inside the house in the middle of the mess I am turning to dust. I am getting rid of all my “things” I am going to live with the clothes I have and a few memories of the family I had before I was born. As I am chanting I heal the world around me and in the middle of no thoughts I see the light come to me. Then a Locust outside sings with me- now that I have stopped chanting the locust stopped its humming. I cried at the beauty. Everything is so much more connected than we think or know. When I am in this vortex of love – I cry because it IS so beautiful and I believe this is how life is.
All the worry, despair, harm, abuse etc that goes on is not who we are. There is so much trying to find who we are that if we just completely sank into the beauty of the world we would feel so much better- Life would be the amazing experience we came here to have. When I am feeling the love in chanting, I think of all those people whose eyes I look into and felt love, I feel myself flying, I feel the locust singing with me letting me know that God loves me.
The first time my friend Ava told me that my spirit guides loved me, I cried. I always wanted to know something bigger than me loved me, but I never believed it until she said it. Nowhere in all the schooling did anyone say you are deeply loved. Love meant that someone DID something for me. Love was sex, it was a pat on the back, it was written on Hallmark cards, and rarely talked about.
Now I know that everything is love. I am here to experience, that’s it. I know there is a new way of life coming forth and it is not a “system”. I know one day it will not be money that is talked about it will be LOVE. I know that we will howl with the wolves, and sing to the birds. I want to go somewhere that is focused on freedom to do anything we want, we “work” with God, we serve each other, we astral travel, we telepathically communicate, we know that we are the internet and need nothing outside of ourselves for a feeling or information: we learn from within. I want to adventure into the unknown. What would it be like without my lap top, cell phone, or money?
I have thought about money a lot. I don't actually think it is the root of the problem. It just feels like it is replacing so much of what we are. External forms of energy are easier to control- but is not who we are. We may seem defined by the money we have, the car etc, but who we are is internal energy. What if we exchanged everything from internal energy- feelings, emotions, body expression, art WE made (not machines). Money has so much power to some people and as a collaboration it is one superficial thing we have in common. Although it is an external form of energy – I believe there is other ways to spend our energy. Even if I was billionaire money would still be on my mind- I would be more responsible for all this money- taxes, bills, investments, stock etc- all in which play this game in society. I am done playing and I am looking for something new. I am not going to write a blog posts complaining of the old I am going write about experiencing something new. And this is so new and unconventional that it may take time, and it may be hard, but I am willing to do what it takes to bring forth the new. This is the Aquarian Age- a new beginning and new information flowing forth. This is just the beginning and we all know this. We are in heaven here on earth- when I just slow down and FEEL it. May we all join “virtual” hands and be together in this change. May we heal the earth and each other. There is nothing more important to me right now than unification. Thank you for reading today. Namaste.

The Little Liar...

What I love in life the most is pushing belief!  I believe everything is based on belief which I learned from the movie " What If?".   When someone complains I have always had the urge to say “Well I know there is a different way” To every contrast (what you don’t want) there is a solution.  “When there is a Will There is a Way” At one point when I was little I started to believe in miracles.  All of the situations I ever thought were “terrible” I got out of.  It is not common to see kids get out of “abusive” situations (and I was in 6 different situations. )

When I first started to realize I could have anything I wanted was when I was living with my aunt.   It was right after my mom died I went from living with my grandma into my dad’s sister’s home.  So all of a sudden family that had never known me – now had to take care of me.  Not to get into detail it was abusive and disconnected.  I remember trying to run away and had too much fear to actually cross the road.  I would hide in trees as the bigger the threats they yelled at the closer I came crawling home.   Then I still remember this dream where I was in the middle of the desert on a hilltop and all these ambulances and police came to save me, but something greater gave me hope.  The sky opened up and shined down on me and I was lifted into the air.  Even when school, home, and life in general felt like hell I held onto that dream until it came true.  I didn’t even realize it when my dream was coming true. When it was happening I resisted it and was afraid that moving out would bring greater danger than what I already lived in. 

And when I remember (hard) times as a child I remember there was always (even a little) sunshine.  Even if it was a pin prick speck of sunshine I held onto it.  Anyone (almost everyone) who has experienced contrast knows that there is hope how else would we be here today? 

So after living with my aunt I got adopted by a wealthy family.  I went from barely any clothes, barely any food, no friends, no hair, and nothing material was my own to having my own room, my own dog, my own pair of light up sneakers, my own clothes and closets, lots of candy and any food I wanted ALL the time.  I was abundant and I felt very abundant.  At school before I had no friends because I was teased on how dirty I was to having so many friends.   I had themed sleepover parties, and anytime a friend would say “I wish my mom would take me here or give me this” I would do my best to make sure they got it.  I wanted to take care of my friends.  At the time I was feeling so good that anything I didn’t have yet I would lie about.  If my friends would have any kind of complaint or anything I always wanted to have a solution to it.  I would say” Well I know someone who could help you with that”.  We all wanted to be just like the spice girls and I told them I knew the Spice Girls (I didn’t really know them) but when I told them I did I felt like I did. 

How does lying come into the picture with knowing anything is possible?  We ask the Universe what we want and we must feel it into existence,  but by feeling -others may consider it lying.  I feel rich!- but a billionaire may say that I am not rich.  !.  By traveling it is obvious there is a solution to any “problem”.  Just because it is not in front of your face right away doesn’t mean the answer doesn’t exist.  The point is no one can take away what you are feeling and what you are feeling is what CREATES. 

For example say I am here in America and my friend is tired of having parties because everyone dirties her carpet and it feels unclean and a lot of work to clean up.  From traveling in India I would know from experience that Hindu's wash their feet before entering anyone's house as a sacred ritual.  And I could tell her that experience and have that solution to be able to have a parties AND  a clean sacred carpet.

I loved traveling the last two months.  I learned and changed so much.  I originally thought I would find a home somewhere along the West Coast instead within the first week I decided I would rather keep traveling.  The people I met in hostels inspired me to travel more.  Europeans were telling me that between high school and college they are encouraged to take a year to travel and explore the world.  In hostels I met mostly foreigners and I loved being the only American.  I felt like I was traveling to everyone’s country by just conversing with them.  As an observation they told me that American’s are more distracted (compared to other countries) such as being on a cell phone, iPod, and computer.  In other countries people interact with each other more. 

I am currently on a short break from Travel.  The thing that comes up for me now is money.  I know that I am abundant and we all are AND I’m wondering what the focus of my life wants to be on next. Is it I just work and work so I can have all the money in order to travel? Or do I just travel and trust the Universe completely.  I find that I don’t believe I was put here on earth to fester, worry, gain, give, lose, win, etc with JUST money.  Money seems to be the topic of conversation and I think money is just a physical extension of energy.  I am feeling like there is a new way of energy coming into play.  I want to invest my energy into passion and doing what I want and creating.  I am not saying money is evil or that I don’t think it is important I am just playing with the importance it has in my life.  I don’t think I came here on earth to just EARN money.   Some of the highest paying jobs are from drugs, prostitutes, cage fighting etc.  What kind of values is money invested in? All together we all have lots of money.  What if we invested in something completely different?  What if we did what we wanted all day long serving “Higher self” in any way we wanted to.  We all know there is a change coming. What do you WANT the change to be? What if we all had the time to rub each other’s backs, cook together, dance, play, create together all the TIME?  What if we all stopped trying to GO somewhere and started BEing here.I FEEL heaven on earth….am I lying?