This blog is dedicated to the MOTHERS in my life, to Mother Earth, the Mother in me, and the Mother in you. What a mother means to me is connection to Divine Feminine, the Universe, and the life between us. Every year this day means something different to me. I go between sad and sulking that I haven't had a mother since I was six to celebration of the mother I have become to myself or the motherly figures in my life. This year it is all gratitude and staying present with what it is I DO have.
This is the first time in my life where I am feeling really connected to my food. Right outside my window is a few chicken coops. There are gardens, fruit trees, and goats that I milk myself. It feels so raw to be this closely connected to the food I eat. I am not used to this feeling at all.
For example we harvested tons of tangerines off of the ground. One bucket was for us to consume and the rest was for animals or compost. Even the ones we saved had some maggots and we had to throw them out. With the last one’s left we made fresh tangerine juice. Part of me was nervous that there could have been a missed maggot or something else inside them. I hadn’t ever associated the fact that bugs are really ALL AROUND US. And then when I drank the juice I forgot the fact that there “could” be maggots because the juice was delicious and fresh. AND because it hasn’t been pasteurized it was HEALTHY.
I can’t believe I didn’t realize that bugs probably have been in the juice or food I have consumed before. The food in stores or restaurants is touched by so many bodies and machines. In the end I don’t mind a little bug or two when I have been the only one touching my food. It is only my fear that gets in the way of enjoying anything in life. I CHECK the fruits now, I CHECK the eggs, and I CHECK the veggies that come out of the garden. It is so much more EMPOWERING to do these things myself. It is RAW to live here.
The Hawaiian jungle that surrounds us constantly has a reminder to be present. Each foot step isn’t like the Arizonan desert (which is dry rough and hot). It now is alive with animals, bugs, tree roots, fallen fruits etc. The cycle of life, the cycle of water, the cycle of land, and air are HAPPENING here.
I feel like a mother because despite the things that might seem gross (maggots, tons of animal poop, mold etc), hard work (milking the goats and finding tons of greens for them etc) – I have unconditional love for it all. Although the cat has fleas I brush her and take her in my arms. Sometimes the goats are hard to milk because they kick and resist it, but in the end I sing to them and massage them. To me being a mother is going to expand all the time. Heart opening is a process that I want to be expanding till I transition. Every year Mother's day will mean something more to me. Thanks for witnessing my raw feelings and expansion. Mahalo.
