* I choose this picture because this is what I felt like when I danced in the circle after Congolese class. It represents the vulnerability I feel.
So I want to share about my life again. It takes time and energy to open up and I have this urge to share. I am in another stage of life that feels like jumping from one trapeze to another. I am in air reaching out for something to grasp. I feel like there is nothing below or above me and I am in mid air- I have the choice to get scared of falling and dying or I can choose to feel thrilled and free.
I am here to help anyone that wants to take the leap to something new. Taking a leap may mean a new job, a new path in life, etc. In my situation it didn’t necessarily “make sense”, in fact I had a lot of doubts and overall I thought I was making a “Miss-take”. Now, I am in the air and I am letting go of what I thought I wanted in life- I feel so motivated, free, and determined.
A lot of people I have met are going through something similar to me. I know when I write a blog it is for those who are meant to read it. There is something in the blog that speaks to them.
One thing that has helped me be patient while in the air is to look for miracles or Spirit in everything I do. For example, I came to Maui Multicultural dance camp on a whim. I saw the flyer at the health food store and the next day I flew in. I came to Maui with no ride to camp and within minutes of landing I had 3 different options. Also they told me my bag did not make it on the plane so I thought I had to wait 3 hours for it, but 10 minutes later I walked over and it was the last one of the conveyer belt. And there are days that don’t seem so perfect and in those days – there are reasons, gifts, and purposes for feeling down or for things to not “work out” as expected.
I explore thinking about life as a dream. I do believe we create our own realities- yet I don’t think we control them ; there is a difference. We do not create others realities for them and we are constantly together on this earth. In this process I may have hurt other people's feelings, shocked people, or let others down, but I have to do what motivates and inspires me otherwise I am not in my full power doing something else. My friend told me today "Change is good as long as it inspires and energizes you". And I have more and more energy working towards my next goal. I do deeply feel that everything happens for a reason even if it hurts, feels negative, or is not fun. I have had my moments of sadness, boredom, or isolation here and what has helped me is put on music and dance or breathe through every discomfort. And I could probably dance and breathe the rest of my life to heal what has happened to me so the longer I can keep going the better. I have learned that healing is an ongoing process.
So here comes the “meat” of the story. I was living on a farm on the Big Island for 9 months and I was in 2 year committed relationship. I was settled and comfortable in my life. I spent most of my days milking goats, helping grow food, or taking care of animals. We went to town once a week just for groceries and then back home. I thought I wanted to be a farmer the rest of my life and explore living completely sustainable etc. And although I am still in appreciation and love living off grid and I miss growing my own food and being around animals- I am on ANOTHER path for the moment.
I went to this dance camp and at the end of one of the Congolese dance classes the teacher brought me into the circle of dancing and I LET LOOSE. All of a sudden my body just went for it and I was up down, on my hands and knees and I remember saliva coming out of my mouth. I felt so blissful right after I danced that I ran to a woman I didn’t know and hugged her. I felt so WIDE OPEN and VULNERABLE. Right then, I decided that vulnerability can be felt as bliss. And after talking to people from Congo and hearing stories of people who traveled to Africa- I have decided that I am going to Africa. I know my soul is connected to Africa, as I have appreciated Africa as long as I can remember-- whether it be drumming, dance, or people. I love and appreciate African culture and I feel this inner African in me wanting to re-connect to my roots.
And now my life is pretty much going one step at a time. I don't have any exact plans or details and I am enjoying the process. I just have to say that I am so grateful for being able to share this with you as I feel vulnerable stating what is going on in my life. I am open to continuous blessings of abundance, happiness, and lessons.
