It takes a thousand times of getting lost to truly understand finding one's way...

5/5/10
I have traveled hundreds of miles without maps, with maps, with directions and it doesn’t seem to matter what I have- I can still get lost. What matters is how I feel. Several weeks ago I was trying to get back to my friend’s house. I remember I got off at the same exit twice and ended up in the same hotel parking lot. I was feeling even more mad when I saw the same people unloading their cars – I thought so much time had passed. The problem was that I kept turning around because I didn’t trust myself. Finally my anger is what pushed me to go in one direction until I saw the correct exit. I noticed that we have emotions because they get us to the next step in life they are tools.

A few days after that I was trying to get out of San Francisco at 5am and I could feel myself changing in emotions right away instead of letting emotions take me over i started saying things i was grateful for in that moment(such as seeing the sunrise over the ocean!). Now, I do appreciate and feel so happy when I do find my way.

It’s like when I feel negative emotions I am in a dark room, but when I light a match( gratitude) I find my way out quicker. Just like a mother notices when her child has to use the restroom I know when I am starting to change the way I experience life. I can predict how things are going to flow from the way I feel.

I remember on one of Abraham- Hicks cds. A parent asks Abraham a question from their kid “Why are Grownups so Grumpy?” And Abraham says “the longer you live the more excuses you find to hold yourself out of your vortex.” And I am finding MORE reasons to be in my vortex. But now that it has been over a month of traveling I find that I can start thinking of reasons not to travel. What keeps us from happiness is ourselves. Anything that “makes us unhappy” is an excuse! One thought that was readily on my mind was abundance. In society I have been taught that abundance is hard working, obedient, orderly, committed, in one place, tied down, married, "rich", 5 houses, 10 cars etc- Things that I haven't been doing much of at least in in the eyes of society...

I have learned through this experience abundance isn’t about pushing against the stream in order to get what I want. I know when I was growing up I thought I had to feel bad to get what I want. For example when I was living with the Templin’s (one of my 7 adoptions) I remember I would ask if I could go play with friends on the weekend. They would reply with a “maybe.” And I would pout the entire week saying “Maybe means you’re going to say 'no". And I would choose to stay in a bad mood thinking it was the only way I was going to be able to play with my friends on the weekend. When I pouted IS when I got what I wanted... And then many of us grow up and think we need to work 8-10 hour days doing things we don’t want to do in order to be happy to fulfill the “American Dream”. In order to have all the “things” we want.

Being abundant is not asking what I can get from the world, but what do I have to GIVE the world. When I remember who I am (love, pure positive energy, existence, consciousness, bliss;)) I remember that I am naturally abundant. We all are naturally made up of eternal love. I have SO much to give, especially massages! When we feel abundant we GIVE and giving is the best feeling in life and that feeling is abundance to me and that is what attracts clients, donations,places to stay, and any other ABUNDANT exchanges of energy.


What I am doing is living the life I want: I am as free as a bird. I get to see, or do, or be where I want when I want. And even though I love my freedom I can still find excuses not to be happy. My purpose is to experience freedom and be happy. Without the normal comforts I am used to at home I find my relationship to Source becoming stronger. Even subtle changes such as experiencing full service gas stations in Oregon are changing my “habits”.

By changing my habits I know that anything is possible and because I believe it- it really happens. For example, I was missing being around animals especially dogs. And when I want something like to see a dog in Tucson I look at my schedule for that day and think well this shop doesn’t allow dogs and Betty Sue doesn’t have a dog so it looks like I won’t see a dog today (even though I want to). And since I am traveling I don’t know or have assumptions to hold me back. I asked the Universe to give me an opportunity to be around a dog. The next day someone was walking down the street with one, my friend introduced me to her boss with a dog in her office, and the tourist shop I went into had a dog who loved to be scratched behind her ears. The Universe answers!